They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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