and next time when you feel me up, do it right
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
