I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
