she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize