You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
