I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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