community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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