sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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