we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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