we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
