I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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