What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Go christen that room with your naked body.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to align my fucking chakras
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
