i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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