Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
