The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
