when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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