i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
