I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
