i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
