Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
