his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
