I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
