you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
