How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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