i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
