My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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