I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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