last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
