dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
