so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
