im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
