My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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