"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
