okay pat passed out under dana's car
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
