You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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