So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
