susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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