Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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