the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
