O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
