Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
