I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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