Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
