It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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