why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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