I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
