so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
