if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just had sex on a roof
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
