I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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