Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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