One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
