That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
