Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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