Please, let me fuck your mom
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
