At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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