I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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