you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
