Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
