Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
