I hate your face
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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