I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
