Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
