Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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