On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
two words...techno handjob
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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