TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
