She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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