Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
